So this afternoon I settled down with my blueberry scone (thanks mom!) and almond kiss coffee (thanks serendipity!) totally expecting a good time with God. Which it was...but He gave me a good kick in da rear too. He has been calling me to "step up" into the woman He is creating me to be and press in closer.....and in the process I have been rebelling, draggin my feet, and creating havoc in my own heart and those around me. Praise God for my dear hubby....even though He's far from perfect and can irritate me (because all men eventually do at some time or other, i'm convinced) he has truly covered me in prayer and surrounded me with it....been patient most of the time with me....and last night I finally had a break thru. I tend to build walls up around my heart when others hurt me and fling hurt back. (not good, very unGodly and Christlike) Then I go into a shell of self condemnation and wait for God to pull me back out. And He does...always. He is an amazing Father that never gives up on me. And He has given me the amazing gift of Jason....who helps me tear the walls back down and build the right kind of walls: those that keep the enemy out. We do this by getting back into the Word again, praying together, crying together and putting God back into the center. And slowly...I begin to believe God's Word again, that no matter what, His love doesn't change for me when I get down and out.
Satan had me to the point where I absolutley could not....no matter what....pray anymore. He told me the lie that I wasn't good enough, that my sins were horrible and unforgivable and I let him surround me with darkness. But praise be to God....He is bigger. His ways are better, huger, safer, and His light shines and darkness must flee. Thru lotsa tears and lotsa snotty kleenexes last night....Jason helped draw me back out....and helped me pray again. And we beat the devil up and kicked him out of our house. It was a hard workout...but totally worth it. So today, we rise up again by the grace of God...renewed on eagle's wings and sheltered in His love....and begin the race again. We fight the good fight and we accept kick in da rears...because this is what makes us stronger warriors.
I share this testimony with you for this reason:
1-To give God the glory...He is all powerful and a mighty Healer.
2- To encourage you to keep fighting the good fight.
3- To listen to those in your life who speak Truth to you even when you have a hard time believing it or don't really want to listen and accept.
4- Because God is too good to not share His goodness.
Love n Hugs...Laura
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