Messy Faith

"I whispered, "I'm slipping God. I can't stand this another minute. Much less five more minutes. Or five more hours. Seriously God. I can't. I'm trying to be brave. I've begged for Your healing. And I truly believe You are healing me. But I'm freaking out. And I'm so sorry if 'freaking' is a bad word — I'm still on the fence about that one. But God, I feel myself falling and I can't figure out what to grab onto."
This is where faith gets awfully messy, isn't it?
Faith.
Most days, I'm like a little kid on the swing going higher and higher without fear. I know the swing will hold me. I know the chains are secure. I'm bold. Assured. Confident.
That night though, I was terrified of the swing. The chains felt more like unraveling threads with a screaming me dangling at the end. My faith felt small.
But my faith was right in front of me. And when one falls, out of instinct they grab onto whatever is right in front of them.
And I just want you to know that even small faith is completely able to hold you. It held me that night. Through the minutes and hours I didn't think I could press on...."

Read more at:
http://www.proverbs31.org/devotions/where-faith-gets-awfully-messy-2013-01/