The last couple weeks have been hard. Gabe continues to be a very stubborn-strong-willed child. Every question that I ask him....he defies me. If I ask him to please not do something, he will get a look in his eye and do exactly what he was asked not to do. Day...after....day....after....day.
And so I'm praying earnestly.....
Father, more wisdom.
Father, more patience.
Father, more love.
Father, give me softer words with less bite.
Father, show me what this dear boy needs.
I love him so much and just want to be the best mama ever. If he needs more one on one time with me, then I need to carve more time out of my day. But what exactly is it that he needs? Maybe it's just simply more love....more time.....and some more love.
And more brokenness out of his mama.
I read this article today and was so blessed, as I am time after time, reading her writings.
"How does a broken mother parent in a home of brokenness? As He does. Bend down to gather up the broken. Draw close our fractured (raging, selfish, stubborn, proud) beloved ones. Forsake fixing. Love the wounded, kin of our own brokenness, the fruit of a fallen, skinned world. And pray for Jehovah Rapha, Healer, to come to “bind up the brokenness of His people” (Isa. 30:26). He, and He alone, can fix the “broken cisterns that can hold no water” (Jer. 21:13).
He took the bread, blessed it, broke it, and gave. And so a mother patterns her life after her Lord’s: she knows she is taken, chosen and called. Yes, she is the beloved, openly soaking in His blessings showered upon her. Yet she accepts her life as broken, cracked. So she gives, pouring out through the fractures, for she knows, painfully so, what it is to be broken." ~Ann Voskamp
To read this complete article, please go to the following link:
http://aholyexperience.com/2007/07/broken-beloved.html
1 comment:
From someone who completely understands where you're coming from... I can remember telling my mom the same thing... I felt like I was always on one of the boys when they were 2 and 3, felt like I was always being the "bad guy". She told me "parenting is not a popularity contest sweetie.. you're training them up in the way they should go" if you don't do it now, you pay for it later. And believe me, with little boys it seems like it takes FOREVER for some things to sink in. My mom also told me she always felt like she was yelling at one of us 5 kids all the time, and I don't have that kind of memory about her. I just remember getting punished when I deserved it!!! So I don't think she was always the bad guy, she was Momma, it was her job, and she took it seriously!! We're our own worst enemies because we start to feel guilty, or feel like we're just always cranky with them. Always remember to toss in extra hugs & tons of I love you's throughout the day..for simply no reason... that's what sinks in the most =)
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